Friday, October 22, 2010

What I'm Learning: Feeling Small

I am learning a lot at Relevant - about myself, about blogging and even about my faith. So, I'll be processing this for a while still - but while it is all fresh in my mind I want to at least get started in getting some of these things down and sharing them.

Overall since I left home, I think I would say I have felt very small. You know how when you leave your circle of life and venture out past that how you tend to shrink? Or, is that just me?

Small ~ out on the interstate in a sea of unknown cars going unknown places at a seemingly hurried pace. Small ~ stopping for lunch in an unknown place, leaving the familiar behind. Finding comfort that I have my own car with me because that is something from my regular life that feels normal and homey to me right now.

Small ~ meeting people who don't know me and whom I don't know. Small ~ wow, my blog stats are below hers or she has a much bigger following or more people know about her blog. Feeling small is not a bad thing. I'm not complaining, it is a phrase and feeling that has just been on repeat in my mind since I left home two days ago.


"...he will bless those who fear the Lord - small and great alike." ~ Psalm 115:13

Indeed, what matters is not how small I am or even how great. What matters is my fear of the Lord and doing what He has given me with faithfulness. And, it doesn't matter how I look in anyone's eyes but His.


melissa said...

Remember that HE cares even for the small things! Enjoy your time at Relevent.

Cindy in PA said...

I understand what you're feeling and hope you're learning a lot during Relevant and making new friends too.

Thank you also for the link in your previous post. I was able to see Sally Clarkson speak this morning (through MomTV) and thoroughly enjoyed her message.

Anonymous said...

Dear Monica~
I hope you feel just a little less 'small' soon. Like I mentioned before, I am sad I did not get to go to Relevant, but I would be feeling your same feelings if I had, on a much larger scale. You are very Brave, and your Blog is absolutely a wonderful, thoughtful, inspiring place to visit. Now...enjoy, be safe, and please, please keep sharing what you are learning!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that you are still blogging even though away. before each post, I pray that God will direct my words to those to whom they'll bless. It's not about size, but following Him. Many blogs are full of fluff, but you blog is one of the many I read that edify the Father. God speaks in small ways, like His still small voice. Keep up the good work!!

Melissa said...

So small...but such a BIG heart! Love you!

Lori said...

Thank you for posting this. This is something that I have been dealing with lately. I can't wait to read more about what you are learning.

Carrie said...

Amen! I will very much be looking forward to hearing your reflections on this event.

angie said...

At 5', I would imagine that this is not the first time you have felt small. Just kidding--I know that you are referring to a different kind of small. Just remember that David was the only one who felt prepared to take on Goliath. Your faith makes you mighty!

Ginger said...

Wow---you're driving by yourself; I assumed you were flying. THAT is brave! with all the crazy interstate driving. Have a wonderful time.

Angelia said...

You having a blog is brave to me...yet maintaining your open blog in the face of adversity is very brave, traveling to meet a mass group of unknown women is braver still and being true in who you are is a lovely and braver thing. Even more so, being honest with yourself and God is beautiful. Then writing about it openly is honesty in action, humbly postioning yourself and BRAVE. God gave you an awesome position, as He has filled you with cultivated wisdom, inspiration and encouragement to share with others as you are growing, as well. It is brave to share that process. I believe you are just the right size. It makes me feel cozy in my smallness. I Guess in God's huge eyes we are all the same size, smaller than HIM.
Have a blessed time.
warm Hug, Angelia

Walk In Truth said...

Hi Monica,
I think you are so adorable inside-out. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly.
God bless & I hope you have a great night
Michele Katherine

Sara said...

You're not the only one feeling small! So glad that we serve a BIG God! It was wonderful meeting you. Can't wait to get to know you more!

Anonymous said...

You put to words something I often feel. However, I think it is reassuring that was are supposed to be "small" is the only way to be in order to stand in awe at our all-powerful, mighty God. Don't forget that He isn't interested in your worldly fame, but the condition of your heart and your pursuit of Him. (Also, don't forget that bloggers at Revelant are not "the world"...they are just bloggers at Relevant. Even the big ones are likely small in terms of influence, really. :) ) Someone, somewhere, is at a church conference, or a teaching conference, or a writing conference, or a soccer conference...also feeling that some are "big" and some are "small." And face it, we don't even know who the big-wigs, in terms of church leadership, or school teaching, or writing, or soccer probably ARE. :)
We are ALL so, so small.
I like your blog because it is small, I sense that you blog in stolen moments, and you so clearly adore your family. Think how big you are, in the lives most important to you. THAT, my dear, is a good, good thing.

Julie D. said...

Thank you for allowing God to work in me through your honest comments. As I, too, struggle with feeling small, I know the Lord is leading me to Him over & over.
I read only your blog & have it sent to my email. The comfort it brings is a blessing as I discover ways to show my family love. Thank you for writing!

Mom said...

Dear Monica,

I'm glad to hear your thoughts about this conference while you are there, though I'm sure other posts will follow after you get home. I agree with at least two comments that others have left -- you may be small, but you have a big heart and your faith makes you mighty! Praying for safety, good health, and a special time -- for you and for your family at home. Love you, Mom

Cheryl said...

Amen Monica! Very well said.
I love how you are so transparent on your blog and yes , you are not alone. I too feel small sometimes. I think we all do.
I am so glad you had the opportunity to attend this conference.
It's just another way of how God knows what we need and he reveals it to us in HIS time. : )

Caroline said...

I've been thinking about feeling small recently too! Funny...I think it's a good thing. :)

Anonymous said...

Monica - it was such a blessing to meet you at the Relevant Conference! I love this post you wrote... I also felt very small and humbled at the conference.
I know I told you that I remembered your red coupon box featured on MoneySavingMom awhile back, and I'm really looking forward to keeping up with your blog more!
Laura from <a href=">Frugal Friends in Northern Virginia</a>