Thursday, May 02, 2013

Indulge me?


A ramble today?

I am writing not for pity but just to make sense of my thoughts and remember my heart in these days. This week is hard. Ok, the past few weeks have been hard.

To find that I had strep for likely at least the second and possibly third time since Christmas has been discouraging. You know how it is when mama is sick, it is so easy to get behind and out of our routine in the home and sickness can send this spiral out of control. I've definitely felt behind and it is starting to be an ok place to be as I learn to prioritize what needs to be done vs. what I would like to get done. I don't want to camp here forever though and it is challenging to stay positive in this place. Somehow, the clutter is still here and I've survived.

My parents are usually here this first week of May as we anticipate the girls annual ballet recital. They aren't here this week due to some treatment my Dad is undergoing right now. And, I miss them. A lot. This will be our sixth year doing recital and the first one without my Mom here. I've had a hard time thinking ahead to doing dress rehearsal, fixing their hair in buns and running to get pizza quickly in between other things plus trying to hide their flowers in our shower - as I want to be doing all of those things with my Mom.

I am so thankful that my parents are doing what is right and best and I know that I am not the only one wishing things were different right now. So, here are some things to be thankful for in the disappointment ~ we will see them soon as we head west, my sweet friend Grace is coming for the weekend, David is figuring out a live video feed so that technology can bless us and that recital can be seen from many miles away as it is going on. Yes, there is gratitude in these moments!

We have had the long-dreaded conversation with our children that Pepaw is sick. They have been champs in taking it in and praying for him with sweet unprompted words. They have asked their real and hard questions but not dwelt on them. They cannot wait to see him soon! And, Grammie too!

So, as I ponder all of this and look at that Lite-Brite photo above - I see a connection. God is in it all, I don't see the pattern initially or maybe even ever this side of Heaven, but He is taking all those little colored pegs, those moments of life lived little bits at a time and putting them in His perfect order and then shining His light in and through all for His glory.

This isn't all of what is in my heart and mind right now - but enough for this moment. I find that even in all of this, it helps to see how I can serve others and not think only of myself. Grateful for opportunities that have come and for the journey of learning that we are continually on.

19 comments:

Lisa said...

What a beautiful encouragement this post was to me this morning. I hope it brings you some peace and joy!

Shelby said...

Sorry you are having a hard week, praying for your family.

Denise said...

A hug for you, if I could! He cares for you & all your thoughts! “Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? And one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows.” Matt. 10:29-31 Praying for you & your family. Keep looking for those positive things! Keep thanking Him (it's how we enter His presence) move to praising Him (He inhabits the praise of His people!) And you will be in sweet communion with Him!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear you've had some rough weeks and that your dad is sick.

I'll say that your blog is a highlight of my morning. I appreciate how consistent you are in blogging and that I can pop in here each day for a bit of beauty, homemaking, homeschooling, and crafting.

chrissy said...

Praying for you, friend.

Char in Mt Airy,Nc said...

I am praying for you and your family during this time.

Agnes said...

I am sorry you have a hard time Monica. It is so hard when we want things one way, our way and things do not fall the way we want. Sometimes it is hard to trust in the Lord when things are so hard... praying for you. Enjoy your recital anyways!

Lauren (in Savannah) said...

Monica,
I am so sorry you have been feeling down and sick.I know sickness can bring your spirits down. Prayers lifted for
your dad. A new verse I have memorized that gives me comfort is Psalm 112:7
"They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD"
I say I will have no fear....making it personal. Have you ever made a Summer Notebook? I love to get a cute notebook and write down all the fun possibilities for summer. praying you feel rejuvinated when your friend comes :o)

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, Monica Dear. My heart goes out to you, as I know how difficult this week is for you, but there are blessings in it all and MUCH to be thankful for.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
"May the God of all hope fill you with joy and peace" Rom. 15:13.
I love you dearly, Grandma

Christy Stanton said...

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Praying for you today. Love, Christy

Karate Mom said...

I always appreciate the beauty and encouragement you share, even in the midst of sadness or trials. I will lift you up in prayer!

The Mayo Family said...

Prayers sent your way!
Hugs & blessings~
Lori

Mary Ann said...

((HUGS))to you, my dear friend!

Praying that God will encourage your heart in just the way you need Him today and through the rest of the week!

Leanne said...

if you have a minute, listen to "Already There" by Casting Crowns and look up the lyrics...I think it will bless you...
praying for you:)
hugs,
Leanne

Mom said...

Oh how I wish we were there today!! And how I wish Dad didn't have cancer...

But like you, we're trying to find things to be thankful for.

Today I'm thankful for beautiful, healthy granddaughters who are learning to dance gracefully and with expression. I'm thankful for their sweet mama. I'm thankful that Grace is there with you...

Love, love, love you - Mom

Mom said...

PS: I'm also thankful for a dear son-in-law who has worked hard at making it possible for us to watch the recital tonight via Skype!

*carrie* said...

I know this week isn't what you hoped for, but I'm glad Grace can come--and grace, too. Love you.

Maggie said...

God is so good! He blesses us by easing the pain we feel with each passing day. I promise you that you won't be so sad next week and less so the week after that and so on. Chin up.

Love, Maggie

Meems said...

Praying for comfort, peace, strength. Remember to find "rest" in Him.