Monday, August 16, 2010

A Heart Overwhelmed

I went to the Rose Garden that day to get a picture of a memorial rose my Mom and I had arranged for a friend and her sweet baby who is now in Heaven.

As I approached, the heady fragrance of roses, the heavenly perfume filled the air - it lifted my heart and my senses.

At first, I just combed all the markers - where would her rose be? Would it be blooming? Would everything be correct on the marker?

So many loved ones were represented there. So many young ones. Sweet ones that are missed here on earth. I moved more quickly - where was it, oh it has to be here!

Then, I found it. Near the back - but close to the sound of the trickling water. The peaceful and healing sound of gentle water drops. Those given in memory as well.

It wasn't in bloom - but there was a bud that will have bloomed by now. There was hope there. There was new life represented. It was so beautiful to me to see that - I got my pictures and then I found a quiet bench to sit and ponder a bit. I prayed for the family represented in my mission.

But, as I sat and my heart began to open - the tears were close. I remembered a time I had come here to host a breakfast as a thank you to some summer volunteers. I remembered coming to this very bench to sit and reflect while at a women's conference.

The opening of my heart became overwhelming and there was almost grief there. Something in me that still longs for that place. For the solace, the peace, the Presence and the instruction to my heart it provides by being there.

Even though I was privileged to be back and thankful for the moment, I quickly realized my meager minutes were ticking and if I was going to process - it was going to take more than minutes.

So, I did the unthinkable ~ yet safe thing to do. I closed my heart and mind to those thoughts and rose from my bench. I left the garden and resumed my life.

Later I tried to tell David on the phone about my visit to the Rose Garden and could not - I was so overcome again at the feelings of loss and it is such a raw and tender place in me. I guess I will always miss this place. It is a place I always feel Him. A place I always sense Him. A place I always find Him.

What a blessing to know that my eternity will be spent in a place that is like this. A place that I will always feel Him. A place I will always sense Him. A place I will always find Him. Yes, my heart is overwhelmed.

My heart is homesick for Him.

And, He helped me to realize that in sharing this with you. The tears come again in the typing of these words .....


Anonymous said...

Blessings for sharing your honest heart once again, dear Monica! Even thought I've never been to your lovely garden, I'm homesick for Him, too!!!!

Eunice B

Lona said...

So beautiful, and tears are welling in my eyes as the homesick feeling overwhelms me. A day soon to sit at His feet and be in awe of Him. Have a blessed day as you have once again blessed mine!!

angie said...

The old hymn "In the Garden" comes to my mind:
I go out in the garden,
while the dew is still on the roses...
and He walks with me,
and He talks with me,
and He tells me I am His own.

~katie~ said...

A genuine post from the heart... The hymn "In the Garden" came to my mind as well as I was reading. Thanks for sharing this moment with us... I can relate to this yearning for Him in many ways. So neat how He uses this place to minister to your heart! Beautiful!

LynnMarie said...

What a nice place to go and sit and think. Thank you for showing it to us. God talks to us in many different ways.

Naomi's Mom said...

Many of us know the feelings of sorrow you expressed so beautifully. The loss of loved ones is always in our hearts, but sometimes the wound can feel as raw as it was in the very beginning. Heaven is so much sweeter with the knowledge that our dear ones are there to welcome us when our Lord call us home.

rachel@thecupcakesprinklesinlife said...

What a tender and precious place~

Thanks for sharing your sweet moment with us!

Pioneer Beauty said...

What a delightful read...and a feeding to the longing in my heart to be ever present with my Lord..

Anissa said...

My heart is homesick too! So many times on Monday God caused me to think about our girl, our future home in Heaven, and our great Savior's return. How encouraging to see you write about what my heart has been pondering.

Melissa said...

My heart is also homesick for him! I love this post! So sweet. You are so sweet.