Dear Samuel,
This morning (Nov. 17) Daddy lifted you out of bed in the wee hours of the morning as we got ready to drive to the hospital. You didn't understand - but were actually fairly pleasant in spite of that. Daddy carried your little jammied body out to the car and we were on our way. The usual route looked so different in the dark and before so many had woken up for the day, but you just snoozed off and on and were peaceful and content.
It struck me then, that you trust Daddy & Mama. You did not question what was going on or why you were even in the car at this crazy hour. You did not wonder where the girls were or ask for anything to eat. You just closed your sleepy eyes and slept.
You started to wake up just as we pulled into the parking garage at the hospital. And, I think you were hoping to see some airplanes since that is usually what you see when we are in a parking garage. We gathered our things and wondered which way was best into this massive complex in front of us. And, we ended up asking a couple of nurses who were on their way in for the morning shift.
Turns out, we were a long walk from the place we needed to be - but I did not mind carrying you most of the way. I was just so glad to snuggle with you as if I could ease what I knew was coming by cuddling and loving on you.
We found the check in desk and you were startled by the big doors that whooshed open when you got too close to them. After being charged only $30 (so far) for a $5000 procedure and enjoying the friendliness of Miss Linda at the front desk - we were directed to the waiting room.
Soon, we were led to another waiting room - one that said MRI over the doors. It was a peaceful green color inside and you were excited because Playhouse Disney was on the TV! You enjoyed watching your little show for a bit before it was our turn.
I watched other waiting mamas and children and wondered about those who live their lives like this. But, it also reminded me that I would do absolutely anything for you - even if it was something like this to help you see better.
Your doctor wanted you to have this visit at the hospital so a special machine could take special pictures of your head and inside your head. And, you were so very brave.
Next, it was your turn. We were led back by a sweet nurse, Miss Jennifer. She has a little boy who just turned four and he is getting ready to have a little brother. I liked her immediately. Then, we met Nurse Susan - she was like a grandma and was so sweet both to you and me.
You were excited about the red wagon full of toys and the movie playing quietly. You were very interested in the mouse who was eating off of a plate in the movie! But, you weren't too excited about the little things that got hooked on to you - things that made sure your heart was happy and gave your arm big hugs.
Oh, you were so polite even when you did not like things! You said, "no thank you" to the nurse several times when you did not like what she was doing. We got a smile out of this and I said you should get an 'A' for manners!
But, then there was the poke. And, a second poke. Oh dear, it was not going well getting your medicine into your body. Those nurses commented on how strong you were! Your little fist was fighting so hard that they could not get the IV in properly. So, you got a little drink of medicine to help you relax a little bit. You got to hold the plastic fire truck you'd been anxious to get a hold of and watch some more of the adventures with the "mouse."
Finally after the fifth (ouch!) poke, you were set and got a special little "surf board" on your arm with lots of tape. Oh, yes - you let the nurses know you DID NOT like band-aids. You never have. Actually, you hate those things! You did not want the little bracelet (hospital i.d.) and you did not want the surf board thingy holding the medicine transporter on to you hand.
I snuggled you up to your Sparky and scooped you up as they let me carry you into the special room where you would get these special pictures taken of your head. I could feel the machine pulling on my earrings and drawing me closer to it. I told you it looked like a cool space ship and laid you down on the bed.
You were so curious about this crazy thing you were laying in and were trying to look all around. But, you did not seem afraid - just wondering. It only took 2 or 3 seconds after they gave you some more medicine and you just fell right asleep. The nurse told me you were out and said to give you a kiss. I was happy to obey her!
Daddy and I sat in the waiting room while you were in that space ship looking thing. I wanted to cry because it was so hard to watch the numerous pokes you had to endure. And, to see the other children coming in for their turn behind you.
I had brought a book to read, but all I could do was sit and think of you. I rubbed my hand on your Sparky and noticed that Chuggington was on TV - you would've loved it. I told Daddy that I was so glad he had been with me because I did not think I could have endured that ordeal without him.
It was a long and a short 30 minutes. And, then it was time to come and help you wake up. This proved to be harder than I thought it would be. You just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep right there on the green plastic hospital bed for a long time it appeared. And, no amount of bribing you with anything worked. The nurse said you should have a quiet day, a "movie day." I told her she was going to be your new best friend if she wanted you to watch movies all day since I knew you would love that. Honestly, it did not hold too much appeal for you right then.
You were pretty upset when you woke up and very feisty. It was a loooooonger walk back to the car (especially for Daddy who was carrying you) because you weren't very cooperative. But, when we got back to the car - you seemed to be feeling a little better. Daddy offered you a cookie which you gladly accepted. And, you enjoyed the Capri Sun that the nurse gave you.
Since then, you have been so good. You have not complained or cried. You asked to go to Chick-fil-A for lunch and we did. Of course, we don't know any results from your test yet. That will come later. For now, I am just relieved that this part is behind us.
I can see your still small precious self laying on that huge machine. The dim light and the clean smell making it seem like another planet. And, I see everyone else just going about their daily things as if nothing all that interesting is happening today. But, to me - today was huge. It was a big unknown and I was nervous for me and for you.
Samuel - I just want to remember these things I am feeling and seeing right now. To tuck these away in my memory and for you in the future. So you will catch a glimpse of how very much I love you and how proud I am of you. Today you were very brave and such a good big boy.
I love you!!!!!
Mama
PS: I took these pictures of the leaves in our back yard when we got home - it was a beautiful drive all the way home from the hospital and I was itching to preserve a piece of it.
