Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Broken is Beautiful

I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to share about seeing October Baby. Carrie had already seen it but when she announced she would make me a deal where she would go see it again with me if I would watch Downton Abbey again with her - it was all settled.

We did something my brother-in-law still seems incredulous over and we took Naomi with us. Sweet, two month old Naomi. We're either crazy or have relaxed a ton since having six children between us. Personally, I think we are closer to the latter, but probably somewhere closer to desperate to do something normal as sisters rather than mommies for a change.

At any rate, after a few "dicey" (that is a Carrie word if there ever was one) minutes at the beginning, Naomi was amazing and we soaked up the movie.

I realized that I connected with the main character because she is introspective and so am I. Ridiculously so. And, I admitted that there is a side of me that likes raw and real and brokenness because there is such beauty there. When I feel like I am in a broken place, often my heart feels beautiful then and I feel the most real in that time and the closest to God. When tears are close and come quickly, it hurts and is healing at the same time. Make sense?

Things (unrelated to the movie and no, not a deep dark secret, just things they aren't ready for right now) came to mind that I will need to tell my children at some point and I do not see my way clear through that right now. But I can tell you plain as day that I do.not.ever. want them to wonder why I did not tell them something sooner or why I never told them and they found out another way. Bottom line here is I am trusting God to let me know when the time is right because in any other scenario, I will completely mess it up.

I love watching someone else love someone who is going through the raw, real and broken. That is a beauty in and of itself and brings a gratefulness to my heart and mind in knowing that there are people in my life who love me like that.

Is it completely insensitive and crazy of me to admit that I find broken beautiful? Certainly God does and I don't mean that in a sick convoluted way but I think it goes back to the introspect in me and perhaps the fact that I feel broken much of the time.

This is a movie I would love to own someday and hope my kids will watch with me when they get older and see a couple of things including how valuable life is and how beautiful love and forgiveness can be.

Is broken beautiful to you?


*carrie* said...

Was so glad to see this again, especially with you. And I'm glad my February baby =) cooperated.

Ha--just wrote you that I was listening to the movie soundtrack before I even saw your post. Sisters, sisters . . .

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17

HeatherMavis said...

Broken becomes beautiful when we have given our broken-ess to God our Creator.
Reminds me of the song "Something Beautiful"
Something beautiful - Something good - all my confusion - He understood - all I had to offer Him was brokeness and strife - but He made something -Beautiful of my life.
My heart thrilled at how simply you shared this bit of introspection. It can be hard to put words to something we hold dear and suspect may be hard for others to understand. However, I know it is often easier to write these thoughts than to say them out loud. Bless you

Bevy @ Treasured Up and Pondered said...

I've heard about this movie and want to see it someday...soon.

Thanks for reminding me. ;)

angie said...

I watched the trailer for that movie, which I had not heard of before this, and am intriqued.
Your reflection and processing were so introspective.

I'm glad that you had a wonderful visit with Carrie and her family. And that you made it home safely--by clicking together the heels of your red shoes!

I have always wanted to take a trip packing only what will fit into a carry-on bag. (I am far from a minimalist, but I yearn to be.) I'm vowing to myself that I will do just that on my next air travel.

Mrs. K said...

We have something weighty to tell our children when they are ready for it. A minister's wife shared this analogy with me that I always share with my boys when they ask (because they know the situation, just not the details). Imagine a child and parent going through a train station. The suitcase is enormous and heavy. The child wants to help carry the luggage but it's too heavy and bulky for him. So the parent has to carry it until the child is bigger and stronger, perhaps more mature. When the child is older and stronger and ready to carry the luggage, the parent will allow him, but until then, Mommy and Daddy alone have to carry it. I always make sure my boys know I will never lie to them and we are not keeping this a secret from them, they just aren't old enough to carry the weight of it just yet. Hope this helps. Haven't seen the movie yet but I want to. And yes, broken is beautiful - God wants us to realize we're broken and helpless without Him.

AshleyLanea said...

I think I know what you mean - and you described this beautifully in your post. In the moments where I have been broken before God are the moments I have been closet to Him - and those moments are sweet and beautiful.

When you said - "I love watching someone else love someone who is going through the raw, real and broken." I feel that way, too.

Thank you for sharing! :-)