Monday, August 09, 2010

Seeing His Hand

I originally wrote this post several months ago. But, when it came time to share it - my heart was too raw to really share it with a right heart. Last week, God brought this whole thing to mind again and I was reminded that I don't want to forget how I witnessed God's hand. And, I want my children to hear my testimony of His grace.

So, I've tweaked the original content and am sharing it with a smile and a thankful heart now. The pictures are unrelated to the story - just inserting visual beauty and peace.

Thinking back ........

I've recently been pursuing an educational opportunity for our children. It's God-honoring and homeschool-friendly.

We visited a not-near-enough group and Emily thanked me for taking her before we'd even left, and thanked me several times after that. And, she enjoyed it while I was amazed at all that four and five year olds knew that I've NEVER known or heard of!

Shortly after, David and I began to talk and pray about possibly starting a group here where we live. We prayed separately about it and together. I began filling out the paperwork.

After all of that, we went out to dinner just the two of us and talked over his thoughts and agreed that God could really use this in our children's lives as well as our own. We both want our children to be as equipped as possible at communicating God's truth to those around them and love the Biblical worldview and we felt this was a big focus of this opportunity.

So, I thought I was ready to send my application in. But, I was still just wanting to really confirm that God wanted me to do that. The idea came to seek confirmation through His Word and not wanting to choose a passage that I thought would say a certain thing I wanted it to say - I wondered where to begin.

During my morning exercise time, it came to mind to read the Proverb of the day. It was the 8th, so I read Proverbs 8. Even the title of the Proverb jumped out at me in confirmation ("Wisdom's Call") - and then as it proceeded to talk about the value of knowledge and pursuing wisdom above riches. And, further - about sharing this wisdom and knowledge with others. Those things were a blessing to me as I knew how compatible they were with what we'd been praying about.

With that confirmation, I sent my initial e-mail of interest. I heard back very quickly with excitement at a new group beginning and the mention of a training scheduled for Saturday if I could make it.

After praying that God would make His will continually known through open or closed doors - these were FLYING open!

On Tuesday, we decided that I would go that Saturday. The next few days were very difficult for me. I fought terrible fears, felt physically ill and knew that through all of this was going on a serious spiritual battle. After all, why would anyone who opposes God want me to do anything like this?

Of course, there were times that I doubted I was doing the right thing. I spent all week reading God's Word and praying. I prayed that if He did not want me to go - that it would be impossible for me to go in one way or another.

But Friday morning arrived, and by now - I am convinced this is spiritual warfare and determined to do what I know is right. I know I need to go. First of all, if God does want me to lead a group - I need the training. And, if He does not - I won't find out if I don't go.

Thursday night, David and I watched Facing the Giants - a perfect choice for me in looking to God in the face of fear.

Friday is a struggle - I'm not feeling well, having a hard time eating, still struggling with fears and trusting God moment by moment to show His will. I get everything packed up and ready a few minutes early, we pray together and I am on my way.

As I am leaving - I feel like I'm being called away to be with God this weekend. For sure in my time in the car. I begin with prayer and listening to some worshipful music, I listen to the Bible, I pray.

About one third of the way there - it starts to rain hard. I'm wondering if it is even worth continuing on. But, after driving another 45 minutes or so, I'm now halfway. It's dark, traffic is moving slow, the visibility is limited and I'm really hungry and fighting fear.

I start praying to find a Chick-Fil-A. I don't really like going places in the dark, so I wanted somewhere that would be a friendly place not only to me but in my faith - and a place that honors God. I was so thrilled to see the sign for the exit to the Chick-Fil-A! It was way after I wanted to find it in terms of hunger, but God provided it in His time.

I had been gripping the steering wheel because of the rain, oh it felt so good to get out of the car for a bit! I took my Bible in and was relieved to just sit and be still for a few minutes. I was reading in 1 Samuel about David and Goliath - David facing scary Goliath with trust in God!!

While I was sitting there, I thought I heard a group on the overhead music that sounded like Point of Grace. I didn't focus on it too much - but sort of tuned it out until I heard the words:

"I want to live with a fearless heart..."

To be continued tomorrow...


jen said...

You have been given a great faith that blesses my heart every time I come to visit. ~thank you

Anonymous said...

I'm sitting on the edge of my chair to see how God worked this all out in the end! Spiritual warfare is so real, and it takes such wisdom to know when it's Satan working and when it's not God's will for our lives. A very real topic in our lives currently. Thanks for sharing!

~eunice b

angie said...

I pray that God continues to open doors for you and your family.
Looking forward to the second half of this testimony.

~katie~ said...


Thanks for sharing such a powerful story of your faith and dependence in God...can't wait to hear the rest of the story!!! Your walk with the Lord challenges me! Thank you!


Intentional Living Homestead said...

I can't wait to read the rest tomorrow...I feel like you right now with decisions in our lives...the fear, unknown is making me crazy...I feel no peace and roadblocks at every turn. I'm weary....needing answers that just don't seem to come.

Will be back tomorrow. Thank you for sharing this with everyone of us out there.

Shannon said...

Oh, I can't wait to hear the rest! It can be so hard not to get side tracked by the things satan throws in our way. I'm proud of you for fighting back!

petrii said...

Monica~~ looking REALLY forward to hearing the rest of this God story. I know that He is in EVERY part....

Stephanie in SC said...

I can't wait to hear the rest....

Angelia said...

The words step by step he will lead me... I will learn to walk in His was and follow Him all of my days, are ringing in my mind. I want this relationship you are putting into words to be my daily walk too. Listening and being lead. Your heart for walking with God inspires, encourages and empowers me with thoughts of determination to cling to God. Thank you for this story and I look forward to hearing the rest of the story. smiles, Angelia in TX

Amy said...

So do you mean you were wanting to lead a Christian homeschool group? I'm having a hard time understanding what you were scared about. Taking on the responsibility? or wondering if anyone would come to your group?

Monica Wilkinson said...

Amy - My hesitations and fears were centered mostly around knowing and doing God's will and understanding what that was. And, yes - because of the amount of responsibility it would've been to take on. But, my point in sharing is not so much the fear rather how God met me and responded to me in that. If you want to discuss further, please send me an e-mail rather than leaving it in the comments. Thanks!

Hope that helps,

Heather's Blog-o-rama said...

OH, now I"m really curious...but knowing how you love and care for your family and are being an example of Jesus Christ to them...I don't think you'd make any decision lightly. The best thing you are doing is to pray and read God's Word!!! That made me very happy to read...okay...can't wait for the other part :) :) Have a great week. Love and hugs from Oregon, Heather :)